The Day I Realized I Was A Bad Wife

“A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” Proverbs 12:4

Every time I read this, I just like to assume that I fall into the noble wife category because, quite honestly, I don’t like to think of myself as “decay”.

noble wife

This particular time, though, I felt a little unsettled, and I just couldn’t get it out of my head.  I figured God must be trying to teach me something, but honestly couldn’t understand what I possibly needed to know about this particular Scripture.

I mean, I’m not a bad person, right? After all, I’m a stay-at-home-mom, I take care of four kids all day everyday.  I also homeschool them.  I cook all of the meals, clean all of the messes, do all of the laundry, and handle all of the shopping.  I volunteer, I pray, and I read my Bible…

But are those the things that God considers noble?

Well, I decided to go ahead and look into this a bit more.  So I looked it up in Webster’s Dictionary.

The word “noble” is defined as

  • having, showing, or coming from personal qualities that people admire (such as honesty, generosity, courage, etc.) 

A few other definitions are

  • possessing outstanding qualities
  • very good or excellent
  • of high birth or exalted rank

So, looking back at the Scripture with this in mind, it doesn’t really matter how much I do, what matters is the character I exhibit  

Am I going about my day-to-day life exhibiting qualities that other people admire?  Would my family say that I am “excellent” and possess “outstanding qualities”?

Well, I sure hope so.

Now, since I defined the word “noble” and wasn’t really feeling to badly about how I measured up to this Scripture, I decided to define the word “disgraceful”.  Not that I was worried…

Here’s the definition:

  • bringing or involving disgrace 

Okay, well then I guess I should look up “disgrace”.


  • to cause (someone) to feel ashamed
  • to cause (someone or something) to lose or become unworthy of respect or approval
  • to humiliate by a superior showing
  • to cause to lose favor or standing

I did not see that coming…

I almost cried when I read that definition.

I was suddenly very aware of every single time I have ever made my husband feel small, unworthy, incompetent, disrespected, belittled, and not good enough.

It was like one of those moments that people say they saw their life flash before their eyes, except what I saw was the broken look on my husband’s face…  over and over and over…

How many times have I made him feel dumb because he asks me how to spell a word?

How many times have I taken over story time with the kids because he messed it up?

How many sermons have I preached to him about how much better he should be doing?

How many times have I re-loaded the dishwasher or re-folded the towels because he did it wrong?

How many times have I blamed him when things went bad?

How many times have I nagged him to get to my never-ending “honey-do” list?

How often do I point out what he should have done?


So here I am… a disgraceful wife…

I’ve been convicted of a horrible crime against my own husband

Flesh of his flesh, bone of his bone and I have grossly sinned against him

Remember that part of the Scripture that I usually avoid, “a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.”

Like decay in his bones!  So basically, my lack of good character has made him feel like his bones are rotting until they are completely gone.  I’ve made him feel like he is dying a slow death from the inside out!

(I know that’s a little dramatic, but it gets the point across, right?)

Does any of this resonate with you?  If so, there is hope my friends.  I have learned some valuable truth from this revelation and I would love to share it with yall.

5 Character Traits of a Noble Wife

  1. A noble wife repents when she is wrong (Acts 3:19 – “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, and that He may send the Christ, who has been appointed for you – even Jesus.”) 

    • We are all going to mess up.  What’s important is admitting when we do and then deciding to turn away from this attitude of disgrace and back towards a heart that is noble.  And guess what?  If you’re a Christian, then you are a daughter of the One True King.  Nobility is in your blood!  Tap into it girl! [bctt tweet=”A wife of #NobleCharacter #repents when she is wrong.”]
  2. A noble wife seeks forgiveness  (Matthew 5:23 – “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar.  First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.)
    • Seek forgiveness from your husband for every time you have made him feel like he is dying a slow death.
    • Seek forgiveness from God for harboring contempt against the person He united you to (whether it was intentional or not). [bctt tweet=”A wife of #NobleCharacter seeks #forgiveness.”]
  3. A noble wife submits to her husband’s authority  (1 Peter 3: 1-2 – “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”) 
    • This is not a suppressive submission.  It doesn’t come out of fear or weakness, but instead out of respect for who God has created him to be and for the position He has placed him in as the head of your family.  This is the kind of submission that honors what your husband has to say and respects his decisions.  I AM NOT advocating that a wife has no input and that all of the decisions belong to the husband.  On the contrary, husbands and wives should work together as a team, but with that said, you’re not going to agree on every single thing.  So, in situations where you can’t agree, and the decision really matters, a noble wife will follow the Biblical outline and get in line behind her husband’s leadership, trusting in God along the way.
    • Submission is not weakness!  When done in the proper way with the proper motives, it is a really great tool that shows incredible strength.  It’s not easy to lay down your own plans and ideas and take up someone else’s.  But if you do, it will bring amazing blessings as you choose to honor God by honoring your husband. [bctt tweet=”A wife of #NobleCharacter #submits to her husband’s authority.”]
  4. A noble wife knows that true beauty comes from within  (1 Peter 3: 3-4 – “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.  Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”)
    • That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t look nice!  But looking pretty on the outside isn’t our ultimate goal.  God says the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit is of great worth!  So let’s let Him transform our hearts and mold us into the beautiful treasures He created us to be!  That’s a beauty that is timeless and will transcend and transform generations to come.  When I’m long gone, I want my legacy to be one of wisdom, grace, and love; not just, “well, she had a pretty smile and good hair…”  [bctt tweet=”A wife of #NobleCharacter knows that #TrueBeauty comes from within”]
  5. A noble wife doesn’t sweat the small stuff (1 Peter 3:6 “like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master.  You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear” and Proverbs 31:21 “When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.”) 
    • A woman after God’s heart puts her full and complete confidence in Him and Him alone.  Don’t seek your refuge in the world, instead run to Him, the lover of your soul, the healer of your heart, your protector, and your Savior.  There is no fear for those who seek shelter in Him because He doesn’t give us a spirit of fear, but instead He gives us a spirit of POWER, LOVE, AND A SOUND MIND.  As women, we really can get so wrapped up in all of the little worries that life has to offer, and then take that worry out unnecessarily on our husbands.  But a noble wife lays all of that aside and rests in the confident hope of a good God.  Put your trust in Him to make your path straight and stop worrying about of the little bumps along the way.
    • Bumps in the road will happen, and that’s okay.  I read a really amazing article not long ago by Valerie at Cord of 6, where she talks about changing your “what ifs” into “even ifs”.  It was incredibly inspiring, and totally changed my perspective about all of those bumps (and potential bumps) in the road, trusting fully in God’s plan along the way.  You will definitely be blessed by that article, be sure to check it out!  And then remember, God has a plan.  Trust in Him.  Cast your worries and anxieties on Him, do not beat your husband with them! [bctt tweet=”A wife of #NobleCharacter doesn’t sweat the small stuff.”]

 Conviction is never easy

But it is necessary because it produces growth.

I have bared a dark part of my heart today in the hope that it will give someone the strength to rise up from the ashes and be transformed by God.

If you find that you too have been a disgraceful wife, rest assured that God will rescue you, deliver you, and transform you!


If you don’t know Jesus, I invite you right now to say a prayer and invite Him into your heart.  Becoming a Godly wife requires God, none of us can do it on our own.  But the great news is that He has already promised to lead and guide us through this thing called life by transforming our hearts so that we can become that beautiful treasure.  Just say this prayer to invite Him in…

“Dear God, I know that I have sinned and fallen short of your glory.  But right now, I choose to turn away from sin and turn to you.  I believe that Jesus is your Son, I believe that He died and rose again, and right now I ask Him to come into my heart, to be the Lord and Leader of my life, and my forever best friend.  Thank you God, for making me whole, for making me new.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen!”

If you prayed that prayer today, I would love to hear about it.  You can send in a praise report anytime using the form on the Prayer Request page.


 Now, dear friend, go show the world just how beautiful you are

“A wife of noble character who can find?  

She is worth far more than rubies.  Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.  

She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”  

Proverbs 31:10-12

Blessings and love,


Be sure to check out these other posts about marriage

All About Marriage:  9 Lessons Learned in 9 Years

Praying for Your Husband

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Author: Tiffany Young

I'm an Army wife, homeschooling mom of 6, and a beautifully flawed human being. I live a very messy but very authentic life, perfected daily by the Grace and Love of Jesus. I hope you'll join my tribe as we grow together, encouraging one another to live authentically as empowered women, empowering other women.

9 thoughts on “The Day I Realized I Was A Bad Wife”

    1. Hi Valerie!

      Thank you! This was definitely one of the most difficult posts I have written, but also one of my favorites. It was definitely a big lesson for me to learn and re-visit over and over again. I’m so thankful that you read and enjoyed this 🙂 And yes, it is so very nice to realize that we are NOT alone in our weaknesses.


    1. Thanks, Holly! This was such a hard post to write, I’m so thankful you found some value in it. Thanks so much for commenting!

  1. Isn’t it amazing how God works! My heart has been crying out to get closer to Him and I came across this beautiful article and prayer. Thank you for being who you are, Tiffany. You have really made my day! God bless!

    1. Oh thank you for your sweet words Ivania! I’m so glad God is speaking to you as you draw near to Him, and I’m thankful that I could help a little. Blessings friend!!

  2. Thank you so much for this. I am a wife with a husband suffering from osteomylitis, a bone infection. Prior to this its been a long hard battle with health challenges throughout twelve years of marriage. By God’s grace he is full of peace and joy TODAY. Your article struck a cord with me because he wasn’t always this way. Since I am practicing my conviction to not disgrace him. I won’t go into details. Let’s just say I too wondered about this scripture. I thought well it must be his envy causing his bones to rot instead ,
    A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.
    Eccles. 14:30 NIV

    After two years of therapy regarding my challenges in my marriage, unprocessed events helped me justify that conclusion. Yet , I was still nagged by Prov 12:4. So, as a part of my character cleansing New Years Quiet Time I decided to be sure. This led me to your article.

    Now, I see that all those times I was venting I was also shaming him. Now, I know I truly needed to speak on the hurt I was experiencing. I was sinking into a deep depression trying not to “complain” living as a neglected (even verbally abused) caretaker for years. Still, even typing these words strike a conscious.However, I can confidently say I am speaking the truth in love.These things make up our testimony, they are true. But what is also true is my Dear husband has graciously dealt with intense nerve pain every single day for 15 years. When I married him he was dealing with it and it has only worsened. Yet, he is my Paul when he is weak he is strong.
    But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christʼs power may rest on me. That is why, for Christʼs sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
    2Co 12:9‭-‬10 NIV
    Thank you again.

    1. Hey Kenya! I’m so glad you found my story helpful. I love what you said about how everything yall have gone through is part of your story, and it’s truth… AMEN! We were just talking at our lifegroup last night about how life rarely goes according to our plans, but God always brings us through, makes us stronger, and gives us such a great testimony of we remain committed to Him in the process. I’m praying for you and your husband tonight, for renewed strength, a fresh start this year, complete healing both physically and emotionally, and that as you both draw near to Him, He will continue to draw you near to each other. Blessings girl!!

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